Resume Roulette

Mis(s)Application is putting it mildly – I’m straight missing the target.

I keep an arsenal of resumes on hand. Each resume is a fine piece of hand-crafted, American-made machinery. Loaded with carefully calibrated buzzwords cased in relative education and experience. I firmly believe one of these .PDF’s  is loaded with the silver bullet straight to employment. (Intentionally ignoring the question of if the shot is actually me killing it, or it killing me – catch this 22.)

My resume-cache includes the “all business”, complete with bullet points, bold headings, and a no-nonsense delivery of my professional and academic accomplishments. There is the “personable overstuff” which swaps bullets for friendly, complete sentences in a fun, approachable margin to margin type of way.  There’s Volumes 1-17 of the “edited to suit your pleasure” which is concise and custom tailored to fit your firm, and its acute needs. And, there’s the “kitchen sink” where I lay it all out there completely naked and vulnerable for HR to judge behind their curtain of anonymity.

Over the course of the past 5 months, I’ve applied to over 100 jobs. One. Hundred. Jobs. I’ve used every weapon in my arsenal. Misfire, every time.  Not a single call, not a single interview, not a single shot in hell.

So – because I love the adrenaline rush, I’ll keep loading up and shooting from the hip…playing a game of chance that ultimately requires no actually strategy or skill.

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